Me

I have this tendency to post things on my blog that make me look and sound like an amazing person. Sometimes I write about hard days I've had, but not too often. I'm afraid that I'll come across as being to negative. When I post things that make me look awesome I feel guilty and when I write about bad days I feel bad for complaining. I worry too much about what other people think. Do I sound strange to you or do I sound completely normal?

I noticed as I was starting to write this post, that this will be my 100th post. It's a good post to try and write a little bit about the real me. Sometimes I question whether or not I should write a blog, but overall I'm glad that I have.

So, the real me. Or just a little glimpse into me.

Most mornings I don't want to get out of bed because I don't know what I am going to do that day. Or, I don't want to do what I have to do that day. I won't tell you what time I actually get up, some things I have to keep secret. I take a shower most days, but I'm lucky if I actually get my hair done. Of course, if I'm going to see anybody else during the day that isn't family I do my hair and put on make up. I think it's funny that I have to make it look like I'm so in control of my life and everything is perfect. I worry way too much about what people think. I think every body is smarter than me. I think that people don't like me. It takes me forever to write a blog, because I worry it sounds stupid. i think people are just nice to me, they don't really like me.

My house in messy a lot. There are dishes in the sink. Having to leave my house before 11am stresses me out. I'm terrified how I am going to handle it in a couple of years when Beepers goes to school. I try to play with Beepers, but it's so much work. I don't feel like I try hard enough. I need to take him to the park more. I need to teach him the alphabet. I hold Binkers a lot, but I worry that I don't hold him enough. I'm shocked at how emotionally difficult it is to be a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I think I'm not going to make it through the day. Beepers ends up in my bed every single night. I need to get a job that pays lots of money, so we can buy a house and I can afford to pay daycare. I don't want to put my kids in daycare. I try to eat healthy food and I do sometimes, but I also love candy. And I eat a lot of it. Almost every night I tell myself I am going to go for a walk in the morning with boys and I rarely ever do. I was definately going to go to yoga tonight and I didn't.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Here's a picture of me. I'm pleased with how it turned out, but keep in mind that I took about twenty pictures to get one that I really liked. I wanted a candid shot, but I couldn't get a candid picture because I was the photographer.