Overwhelming

Overwhelming.

That would be the theme for the week. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life, and it hasn't even been a week yet. But for however long it seems to me, it probably seems at least ten times longer for my mom. At least ten times, probably a hundred. The other day in her hospital room one of my relatives covered up the clock with a wash cloth because my mom couldn't believe how long every single minute was taking to pass.

I keep hoping that this is just a bad dream. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night I think to myself, "did I just have a bad dream and what I think happened hasn't really happened? Oh I hope so." But no. It's real.

I expect things to be pretty intense for weeks and months. And while I am first and foremost concerned for my mom, it's hard not to be completely overwhelmed by what it is going to mean for my life. I wasn't expectingto be a caregiver for my mom for a very long time. However, I am so glad I am a mom myself and I have learned how difficult it is fill that role. How difficult it is to give of yourself all the time and then give some more. It is going to be difficult to figure out how to care for my little family and be there for my mom. Just like it will be difficult for those in my family who want to help, but have full-time jobs. My dad has always provided for my mom, but hasn't very often had to 'care' for her. And I am sure he is completely blindsided by the intesity of that aspect of the situation. I think we all need to just do our best to just 'do.' To look past the complexity of relationships and just focus on my mom.

So, how is my mom doing? Here is a short synopsis of the past few days-

Sunday while at church, the end of church, the stroke happened.

My dad and brother took her over to Lakeview Hospital.

She was life-flighted to the University Hospital.

She was given TPA (the clot busting-drug)

Spent 24 hours in the critical care unit.

Spent about 24 hours in the acute care unit.

Moved to in-patient rehab.

Yesterday was her first full day in inpatient rehab and she started therapy. The first day didn't go so well. She isn't getting any rest and she is exhausted. She is dizzy, probably for a multitude of reasons, but one of them being she only sees 50% of the world, the left side of everything. Well, at least I think that would make me dizzy. She keeps her eyes closed most of the time, I would too. She is constantly saying she feels like half is her is missing. She can't feel her right side. She can walk, sort of, but it's overwhelming to her. She complained one day that she was soo hot and yesterday she kept complaining how cold she was. Cognitively she is mostly there, but every once in a while she makes a strange comment. You can tell her brain is just trying to reboot.

I am hopefully that everyday she will physically get better or just adjust to her limitations now and learn to compensate for them. I am glad I am not her.

And I am soooooooo glad Chad will be home tomorrow from his Cancun work trip. (I didn't mention it earlier this week because I didn't want to broadcast to the work that he was gone. I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night.)

I am grateful for so many things this week. I have no idea what I would do without my sister Jennifer. Although we at times have frustrations with other 99.9% of the time we just 'get each other.' I am grateful for my little boys. Life as a mother is insanely demanding, just keeping the kids fed and the dishes done alone is a lot of work, but this week I was insanely grateful for the responsibilities my kids bring, because I know how to do them. I am grateful for a close extended family. I grateful my mom was healthy and although that didn't prevent her from having a stroke, hopefully it will help her heal. I am grateful for friends who have called and offered to help. And I am grateful that the branch that broke off the tree in the backyard wasn't big enough to pull down the power line that I am certain it landed on first and instead pulled down the internet/cable line. And the internet still works. I could live without it, but I am glad I don't have to.