The great debate

This morning I have been thinking about all the expectations I have of myself. Most of them are expectations I have of myself as a mother, but there are other expectations as well. I decided to write them down, so I might realize how crazy and unrealistic they are. Please know that these are expectations I have of myself. If other mothers aren't doing these things, I don't think they are bad moms. I only think that of myself. Ya know how it goes.

• Good moms have their kids on a schedule, they go to bed at the same time every night and wake up every morning about the same time.
• Good moms don't have kids who end up in their parent's bed.
• Good moms don't feed their kids cereal for breakfast. They make them a hot cooked meal every morning, which includes a fruit and hopefully a vegetable.
• Good mom's make sure their children are getting the daily recommendation for fruits and vegetables every single day.
• Good moms don't feed their kids anything made with white flour, they feed their kids whole grains.
• Good moms don't let their kids have candy.
• Good moms take their kids to the library every week and remain calm while the kids run around and speak louder than a whisper.
• Good moms teach their children to read before kindergarten.
• Good moms don't let their children watch television.
• Good moms don't have kids with dirty faces.
• Good moms have kids who never whine.
• Good moms don't let their kids have tantrums.
• Good moms keep a constantly clean house.
• Good moms play with their kids, a lot.
• Good moms make sure their kids are getting enough exercise.
• Good moms don't ignore their kids to write blogs, but somehow they keep detailed journals and records of their life and their children's.
• Good moms don't let their children fight.
• Good moms don't yell.

Other expectations I have of myself-

• Finish school.
• Be a great wife. I could make a huge list of things that go along with that, but I think I will skip that for now.
• Do a great job at my church calling. My responsibility is to teach the four year olds. Even though I know how four year olds are, I expect that I teach them a memorable lesson, they sit quietly for a long time, and I keep them stimulated- every. single. week.

And the two things that brought on me making this list-

• Good moms don't get their kids vaccinated.
• Good moms don't send their kids to the regular public school.

Okay the vaccination thing-I got Ben and Jack vaccinated for H1n1. I debated back and forth about it. I finally decided to get it because Jack has some medical issues that put him at serious risk of complications from the swine flu. I felt like I almost needed to keep it secret that I got him vaccinated because there are so many people who think the vaccine is horrible. Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified that something horrible is going to happen because I got them vaccinated, like they will develop autism. It was just a difficult, difficult decision because it's sooo complicated. And every time I get my children vaccinated I question it. We are so lucky to live in a country where we can get vaccines, but we also live in a country where we are armed with lots and lots of information and sorting it all out can be very, very difficult.

Now the school thing- This is what got me on the whole list of expectations I have of myself. Ben still has nine months until he goes to school, but really that isn't that far away. Two nights ago I filled out a form that had to do with Ben going to school, so I've been thinking about Ben and school more than usual. I've had friends make comments that education is very important to them and their husband. Whether or not people say it, I don't really know anybody right now that doesn't think education is super important. I've thought about Ben and school pretty much since he was born. Most parents do.

There are choices and choices are overwhelming. Choices like going to the neighborhood elementary school, getting a variance for another elementary school that gets better reviews, charter school, private school, or homeschooling.

I grew up in a time and a neighborhood where pretty much everybody in my neighborhood went to the same schools. There were very few people who didn't, two of those few were my sisters. For part of elementary school they tested into and attended other schools to be part of an accelerated learning program.

I like the idea of kids in the neighborhood going to the same school, but that doesn't really happen much anymore. My last neighborhood had lots of kids in charter schools, my new neighborhood is a neighborhood that's right on the border for elementary, junior high, and high school so kids go to all different schools, and a few people homeschool their kids.

Ben might go to the neighborhood school, but we applied for a variance to have him go to an elementary school that is just as far away. My nieces and nephew go to it, and my aunt works there. It gives me peace of mind knowing that if anything horrible were to happen (like and earthquake or something), my aunt is there. We will probably apply for the charter school. We can't afford private school. And homeschooling? I toy with the idea but it seems so overwhelming.

Charter schools are a big debate. I for one am glad they exist because they alleviate some of the crowding in the neighborhood schools. I like that parental involvement is a requirement and I like the way that kids learn in groups based on the level they are at, not the grade they are in. But are they any better than the neighborhood school? Are the teachers there better? Will the kids be smarter because of the different teaching method. That's the big question.

I know sooo many wonderful people who are or have been teachers at neighborhood elementary schools. They are amazing people. I could never imagine myself as a teacher. I just don't have a love for it and I am sooo glad that there are people who do. Also, I have loads of insanely smart friends who came out of public schools. I'm not kidding when I say insanely smart, some of them are already famous for how smart they are. I got good grades in school, but I felt like I was pretty stupid because compared to my friends I wasn't anything amazing.

We always want the best for our children. Neighborhood schools are great, charter schools are great, homeschooling I'm sure can be good. Figuring out what is the best is tricky.

P.S. I wrote this whole post and spelled expectations wrong every single time. Huh, I need to go back to school. Thank goodness for spell check.