On with the show

The other day I was at my doctors office for a follow-up visit. While waiting for the doctor I could hear the sound of a baby' s heartbeat in utero coming from another room and I had the thought, "wow, I am sad I am not pregnant anymore." What?!!! For me, being pregnant was not fun, it hurt a lot this time around and I couldn't wait to not be pregnant anymore. I was so lucky to have a healthy baby three weeks early and not have to go through the last few weeks of pregnancy. I love the feeling of physical relief right after having a baby. I love the first couple of weeks of not being pregnant anymore when I can sleep on my back again. I love not having to get up five and six times a night to use the bathroom. And although I am be woken up multiple times a night to feed a baby, in between those feedings I sleep. Really good.

After having Ben I was in a lot of pain for months. After having Jack I felt good for a few hours and then I was hit with a spinal headache. I couldn't sit up for ten days. When Chad went back to work I had to crawl around on the floor to take care of Ben and Jack. I couldn't stand up or the pain in my head and neck would intensify. It was an awful experience.

Luke's delivery was awesome! I got an epidural and I only had to push four times. Physically I have felt amazing the past six weeks. Emotionally, it's another story. I suffer from post partum depression. Although it's not a secret and this time around I've talked with people a lot more about it, it's embarrassing to me. And it's debilitating. I took preemptive measures this time to lessen the severity, but it didn't work like I hoped. After a few weeks a change of medicine has made a difference and things are looking up.

The decision to have a third child was difficult because of my struggles with post partum depression. I tempted fate once again, so our third child will likely be our last. I think that is the reason why I felt a little sad at the doctor's office that I wasn't pregnant anymore. Growing babies is an amazing experience. And although it wasn't exactly fun and it hurt, it's not really all the bad compared to the responsibility of raising children. That's the hard part.

30 weeks

Wahoo! I am at thirty weeks. Next week I will be able to count down the weeks in single digits. I think I am looking pretty big, but this is after all my third baby.

This is what I looked like when I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Jack, three days before he was born.

It's nice to know how big I am gonna get. And it's nice that I'm not that big yet. (By the way-I put the smiley face on the picture when I posted it two and a half years ago because I don't like how much water my face retains when I am pregnant.)

Thanks to a suggestion from a lady in my neighborhood, I have successfully avoided wearing maternity pants. She said most girls now just wear low rise jeans. Don't know why I didn't think of that before, but I am so glad that somebody mentioned it to me.

One thing that is different about this pregnancy is that I am having Braxton Hicks contractions. I most likely had them with Jack but definitely not this early. Sometimes they are pretty painful.

I still very much think I am having a boy. I am gaining weight at exactly the same rate as my previous pregnancy. Also, like I mentioned before every since Chad and I got married I have felt like we would have three boys.

Also, when I was growing up there were five other girls in my ward my age- RaeAnn, April, Jodi, Shannon, & Meghan. Out of the four of them who have had children, three of have had three boys. I think it's in the water.

Pregnancy dreams

I have been having strange and very vivid dreams lately. I'm pretty sure it is because I'm pregnant. Although I don't often dream about pregnancy or babies.

• Last week I had a dream I was being attacked by fire ants. I had fallen asleep right after dinner because I was exhausted and my back hurt like crazy. When I woke up I realized being pregnant actually felt a whole lot better than being attacked by fire ants.
• Two nights ago I had a dream that I was sleeping in my bed when I became aware of a very large spider that had crawled out from where it had been living in our box spring. I was able to knock it on the floor and trap it under the flat side of a bowl. I asked for Chad to help me, and he wouldn't. Chad said that I had screamed, waking him up from his sleep and he wrapped his arms around me. It was at that point in my dream that I said to him, "Oh forget you, you are useless." I didn't just say it in my dream, I said it out loud, and I was aware that I was saying it, but I couldn't stop it. Chad felt bad. Well, he should. He wouldn't kill a very large spider for me. :)
• Last night I had a dream that Chad was late coming home from work and he didn't call me to tell me he was going to be late. So he gets home like an hour late and has to leave right away for a date. Yes, a date. With an old girlfriend, who is a good friend of mine. I wasn't mad about the date, I was mad that he was late and we didn't get to spend time with him before his date. I think that he was trying to court a new wife and I was okay with that. Hmm, have you seen that show, Sister Wives? I haven't watched it for six or so weeks, but I think that's why I had the dream. No, I am not okay with Chad acquiring another wife, but in my dream I was just fine with it.

Ouch

The past two weeks I have begun to feel very, very pregnant. With this pregnancy I have been having some pretty intense pains that have gotten a lot worse in the past two weeks. I had similar pains when I was pregnant with Jack, but this is by far a lot worse.

The other day I was sitting on the couch and when I stood up I said to Chad, "Ow, my pubic symphysis." He laughed because I used such a specific term. I wasn't laughing because that's exactly where it hurts, a lot. Putting on my pants, rolling over in bed, walking up the stairs, and standing up after sitting for a while hurts, like crazy. And I have started to walk with a little bit of a waddle, although I try really hard not to.

I figured that it was just a somewhat normal ache and pain of pregnancy. And after talking to my sister and a friend, it is. And in researching on the internet it has a name, it's called symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD). Not every woman experiences it, but many woman do. Simply put your pubic symphysis is the point where your two pelvic bones meet in the front. Because of hormones produced during pregnancy that relax this area it can cause this area to be so loose that the pelvic bones become misaligned.

So the reason I am writing about this is because I was wondering if anybody has had this problem when they were pregnant and if they used a special belt for support and if it worked for them.

I know I need to take things easier. That's hard for me to do. But it's interesting that the problem can get worse if you sit around too much.

It's interesting how child bearing is generally reserved for those who are young or relatively young, but it makes you feel like you are falling apart old. At least there is an end in sight. But fifteen weeks never seemed so far away. :)

23 Weeks

I am now 23 1/2 weeks along. Some moments I can't believe that we are going to be adding another little person to our family. And other moments I can't forget because ouch! It's uncomfortable. :)

At my last doctors appointment my doctor gave me a little bit of a hard time because I have gained fourteen pounds, but that doesn't take into account the ten pounds I lost between weeks 6 & 10. So really I have only gained four pounds. I can still wear my regular jeans, buttoned up. Although that isn't going to last for much longer. At least I can do the rubber band trick for a while. I abhor maternity pants. Okay, who doesn't? But imagine trying to find maternity pants that are long enough for my long, long legs. It's not easy. When I was pregnant with Ben I spent an arm and a leg to buy some jeans that were long enough and I hated them. They wouldn't stay up. When I was pregnant with Jack it was summer and I wore capris, that was the only good thing about being pregnant in the blazing hot summer.

A little more obvious

I might have been able to hide the fact I was pregnant up until a week ago, but now, it's becoming a little more obvious.

The first picture was at 16 weeks, the second today at 18 weeks. Hmm, something happened in the past two weeks. Even my face looks rounder! (It's probably just the haircut though, I didn't realize how round it makes my face look. Maybe I need to rethink that haircut.)

Yes, I am lucky that I am pregnant with my third and it still took me a little while to show. It helps to be almost six feet tall, but mostly it was because I was so sick. Like I mentioned before, I lost 10 pounds between 6 and 8 weeks. I have now gained that weight back because the past couple of weeks I have felt sooooo much better. I am just so tired, I could easily sleep 12 hours a night and I often go to bed with the boys so I can. And the aches a pains of pregnancy are starting. I've got a long way to go, huh?